There is this little technical problem on my bike ride down North Table Mountain that always causes me to stop and walk. It's basically a slot in a large rock that's about two feet deep and barely wide enough to get my pedals past. Like I said, I always stop and walk through it.
Then one day a few weeks ago I was following this hot shot to the spot and I watched him do it by riding up and over a huge bolder, and he made it look easy!
I yearned for the courage to try it, but chickened out each time that I arrived at the spot. I'd rationalize my wimpyness by telling myself it's not safe to try it while alone. And of course this is true, but not the real reason and didn't ease my shame.
Then a couple of days ago I came upon the problem again. I felt confident and determined to try it, but at the last second, I balked and fell to my side. Angry now and cursing aloud, I used the energy to get up, take twenty steps backward, and try it again.
And I did it!
But today I came to a point in my ride where I could try it again or go a different way. Immediately the fear returned as I contemplated passing the spot again. Could I do it again? Could I do it without balking? I rode the bike and I rode the fear.
And I did it again!
As I passed I screamed out "Stevo!", a nickname I haven't called myself in many years. A nickname that belonged to a man much younger, stronger, and braver.
It felt good to feel young again.
.....
Alex spent his days answering the same questions over and over and over again. Lucille's favorites were "What day is it?", "Am I on the right level", "Will I be alone today", "Am I eating enough fiber?", "What time do I go to sleep?", "Is there any laundry to fold".
She wanted to spend her days on the main level, which unfortunately had no bedroom, meaning a walk down and a walk up stairs every day. He would walk one step ahead of her on the way down for protection, and follow her holding her thin hips on the way up. It was hard for her, but she insisted.
One day Alex made the mistake of cracking a joke on the way up the stairs. Alex loved to make his mother laugh. In the past, on their weekly calls, Alex would always make her laugh and she would thank him saying she hadn't laughed since the last time he called.
While searching for things to keep her busy, he stumbled upon the fact that she enjoyed folding laundry. On their way up the stairs one night Alex told Lucille that he got her a job at a laundromat folding laundry. Huge mistake.
She burst out laughing and literally couldn't stand up. Meanwhile she was telling Alex not to make her laugh, that it would make her pee. They both started laughing hysterically, risking falling down the stairs.
At times Lucille was completely out of it and unresponsive, but these times seemed to be fewer as the months passed. But most times she would be totally alert, even beating Alex in a word game he found on the Internet that was recommended for people with dementia. Playing this game was her favorite pastime. Alex loved it when she unscrambled a six letter word before he could. She would raise her right arm in victory and shout "Yes!"
Alex's mom was a very old woman, but she was becoming more and more like a little girl, a sweet little girl.
Later,
Steve
No comments:
Post a Comment