2016/10/17 - A dick or a pussy

Many years ago, early in my career in a major oil company, I was an administrative clerk and one of my duties was ordering supplies for the patent department which mostly consisted of attorneys and engineers with overinflated egos.

One of the items that I was in charge of ordering for them was briefcases.

Now there was only TWO company supplied briefcases. One was a cheap tan fake leather coated case that was available for all employees up to a specific grade level. The other was a fancy Samsonite case available to employees at and over that specific grade level.

Of course all the lawyers and engineers wanted the good case and when I told those not entitled that they couldn't have it, they would try and push their weight on me, just a lowly serf.

I got so tired of this, that I finally went to the head of the Office Services Department and pleaded my case for another briefcase option, one better than the cheap one, but not as costly as the Samsonite case.

Now the head of a department in the headquarters of a major oil company in the 1970's was a big wheel, and a good-old-boy, and I was humbled as I passed by his secretary and entered his lavishly decorated Chrysler Building office with fine old fashion wooden furniture, soft lamp lighting, and a Persian rug, the standard decor for an executive at his high level. There was even a polished brass spittoon next to his desk, in case he chewed.

Without offering me to sit down, he stood up and said "I'm going to make this quick and simple for you Steve", at which point he held out both hands to make his point. 

Holding up one hand after the other, he said "You either have a dick or a pussy, right?" I nodded yes, and then he added "Nothing in between, right?" Once again I nodded yes. Then he said "Same thing with the briefcases" and asked "You got it?" 

To this clear and concise explanation, I replied "Yes Sir!", and was excused to leave his office.

You have no idea how much I enjoyed passing on these words of wisdom (always prefaced with: "According to the head of Office Services") to all the fancy pants lawyers and engineers.

Later,
Steve